Who Is Driving the Boat?

There are many facets to each of us. We think we've outgrown the petulant child and the rebellious teenager aspects of ourselves, but we never really do. The best we can do is make a conscious decision in any given moment about who we want manning Command Central. Who is driving the boat that is your life?

We have had one of the rainiest Seattle winters/springs on record this year and I noticed feeling a little curmudgeonly more than usual. When I stopped playing pool and simply playing for the fun of being with my partner, I took a closer look and sure enough, the surly teenager aspect of my personality was at the helm, pouting because the weather "sucks." If she couldn't have sunshine, she simply wasn't going to play.

I wonder how often some part of us takes over, in meetings ("Will you shut the hell up and let me talk, mush brain?"), when we feel unappreciated ("I'm the one who had this idea to begin with!") or frustrated ("Argh! Why don't they make these backup systems more user friendly?").

The truth is, these sub-personalities are shifting in and out of Command Central all day, and it's easy to allow one of them to take over without even being aware that we have done so. What are some solutions?

We can become more aware of who is in charge in any given moment or situation. Although you might have different names for them, most of us have at least these familiar characters in our personality:

• Capable Adult Leader
• Critical Parent
• Frightened Child
• Rebellious Teen
• Loving Protector
• Warrior

Most of us are familiar with the Critic or as some call it, the Critical Parent. That's the voice you hear in your mind when you over spend and it says, "You didn't really need that. You should put some away for a rainy day." You might also recognize this voice when someone tells you what to do, rather than asking you: "You can't make me. I will find a way to not do this because YOU are not the boss of ME."

When we recognize that we'd like the Capable Adult Leader to be in charge, and someone else is, we can simply allow them to speak their mind (perhaps in a journaling session) then say, "Thank you for sharing, now the Adult is taking over."

This technique has been valuable to a number of clients over the years, and to me. I'm dusting it off and putting it to use. Who knows when Seattle's summer will actually arrive? I want to enjoy my days with no sulking teenager spoiling any of them.

Who Is On Your Dream Team?

For the last nine months, I've been working on the Tap Your Inner Genius program, designed to help individuals and teams recognize and utilize their inherent brilliance in their work and lives. One theme that has resurfaced many times in the research has been how collaborating with others takes our creativity to a higher level.

Specifically, we generate our best ideas when we have a team to work with where there is some common understanding of the objective and big picture, and each team member has their own areas of specialized knowledge that is different from other team members. In other words, we benefit from rubbing elbows and mixing our thoughts with a diverse group.

Since many of us work solo, or on teams where everyone has the same background and training, how would we assemble such a brainstorming team? And how would we best utilize our time together for generating ideas?

Here are five tips I've gleaned from the research and experimentation:

• Bring together a group of 7 to 9 individuals who do not work together every day. According to research, this is the ideal number for creating an energetic, lively conversation that is still manageable and not too time consuming for everyone to participate.
• Invite people from diverse specialties, like financial, legal, creative. We often hang out with our peers. Be adventurous and invite in sharp people from backgrounds you know little about.
• Let there be a wide range of age and a good mix of gender. These multiple perspectives help us see challenges from lots of angles.
• Alternate between individual time generating ideas in solitude and coming together to generate ideas in a group setting. You might circulate an email in advance of the in-person meeting stating what puzzle you want to solve and asking each person to come with 3 ideas. Then, when everyone convenes, those ideas will spark other ideas and you are off and running.
• Be honest with yourself about what your strengths are and where you most need support to round out the skills available to you. The most accomplished people in every field surround themselves with capable support.

You may want to form a loose mastermind group that agrees to collaborate together to help each other arrive at innovative solutions for each other on a rotating basis. Or, you may choose to work with individuals who are good at things you aren't good at on a one-on-one basis. None of us is good at everything. Round out your team with people who think differently than you do. You may be surprised at what you co-create.

Say No to Nebulous Obstacles!

For the last several weeks, I've been longing to pick up my paintbrushes and let my creative side out to play freely. Between the crunch of the holidays and launching a new game (more about that later), I'd been feeling like the mountain of things to do was crushing me to the point that I had no room to move, let alone paint anytime soon.

Then, on Saturday my husband and I went to exchange a couple of gifts at the mall and take our walk in relative warmth. I was drawn in to a new gallery and found myself standing before some paintings of whimsical trees which stirred such longing in my heart, I decided to act.

Yesterday, as I was planning my day and week, there was an insistent tap on my awareness to include time to paint, and I finally faced the beliefs that were keeping me from an activity that I love: they were a nebulous mix:

• a have a ton of important things to do (how many are in a ton, anyway?)
• this is frivolous because it is just for fun
• if I do this, there won't be time to do all the other stuff

When I asked myself how much time I needed to set aside for painting, and decided an hour would be a good start, I realized just how nebulous those reasons I'd been using actually were.

I also realized how many days I didn't indulge the desire to paint, and still all that other stuff did not get done, nor was my to-do list ever likely to be complete, since we continually add to it.

It took me 5 minutes to set up paints, painting surface and turn on the tunes. I painted blissfully for 50 minutes, completing 2 small paintings and a study in my sketchbook. The space was cleared and everything back in its place in the last five minutes of the hour I'd alloted.

Isn't it amazing how clear we are when we get specific about what is required to fulfill our desire? My takeaway? Be specific about what you really need to indulge your fun, your dreams, your passion. Then claim it and make the most of it. Say "no" to nebulous obstacles!

Design The Environment to Support You in Your Game

Think of an environment that completely supports the achievement of your goals, like say, a gym. Most of us join a gym to firm up or lose weight, and have access to equipment or classes. From the moment you enter that environment, everything is designed to support you in those goals.

We walk in and are greeted by healthy, fit and friendly front desk folks. Upbeat music plays in the background. On the way to the weight machines, we notice through the glass window a spin class furiously burning calories. In the next window, we see Pilates equipment being put to good use. We are inspired by flat abs and chiseled biceps to get going so that we, too, might look so good.

This environment carries us along to our fitness goals, and within a few weeks of joining, sure enough, we are stronger, slimmer, and pleased about our progress.

Winning any game is easier when the environment supports us. If there are goals and initiatives that you have been striving toward for some time, take a look at the environment you have designed for yourself (even if you put no thought into it, it's still your design) and see whether that environment might be tweaked to make it easier to win the game you are up to.

Here are a couple of examples: You want to get a book written (or an article published) but never seem to get around to writing. Research shows that by pre-planning where and when you will do the writing, you are more likely to follow through and create a habit of writing at that time. Perhaps you get distracted by the ringing phone or the ding of your computer as new email arrives. By designing the environment to support distraction-free writing time, you are ahead of the game. Turn off the ringer on your phone, and silence the email notification on your computer. Whatever helps you get in the writing zone becomes part of the solution to playing the writing game well.

Let's say you want to get better at public presentations. There are a lot of ways to approach the realization of this goal. Here are some questions to help you identify an environment that will pull you along:

• ask "Who do I need to become in order to accomplish this?" Maybe you need to become a person who prioritizes and plans better, or a person who calls upon their courage to try new things
• ask "What will support me best in learning this skill?" Do you want a mentor? A class? To join an organization like Toastmasters?
• ask "How do I want to build this into my weekly routine?" How much time are you willing to spend, and when and where?
• ask "How will I know I have achieved my goal?" Will you measure success in terms of your comfort in presentations? By feedback from those on the receiving end? By how much you enjoy making presentations? What are the qualifiers that let you know you have succeeded?

It's easier to win any game when the environment supports us. Rather than beating ourselves up or feeling chided when we aren't getting the results we want, let us look at how we can tweak the environment to make it easier to win.

Playing to Win

For the last four weeks, I've been immersed in a course that is all about having the games we play in life be winnable. There have been a number of shifts in perspective throughout this process--and the first one is the idea that we can turn any aspect of our lives into a game that's fun to play and winnable. After all, each of gets to be the architect of our own life. We may as well design it to bring the outcomes we want.

What constitutes a "winnable game?" Here are a few ideas:

• A winnable game challenges me to bring my best strengths and skills into play and stretch a little. Maybe even a lot.
• A winnable game has clearly defined objectives and a way to keep score. Although it's challenging, I have skills that I can use to play a good game.
• A winnable game has a beginning and end, which gives me excitement during play and a chance to rest and look at how I can improve between games. Too many of us set up unwinnable games that drag on for years.
• A winnable game involves other players with great skill and love for the game who are fun to play with and inspire me.

There are forty coaches playing the game in this 6-week course. Today, I'm at the top of the scoreboard, but that changes hourly as people update their online scorecards. We are having fun, accomplishing big things, little things and learning a ton about ourselves, each other and human nature.

Stay tuned for more on how to lose the task list and turn your actions into a game worth playing.

Rewarding Key Employees When Cash is Tight

Finding ways to keep high-potential employees feeling good about your organization with a limited or non-existent budget for cash bonuses and incentives is a challenge many leaders are grappling with. In a recent study released by McKinsey, three ideas emerged as non-financial ways to help talented employees maintain enthusiasm for their position and feel valued and appreciated. They were:

1. Praise from their supervisor. Genuine acknowledgment of a job well done is always a boost to those who are striving to do their best. This costs nothing and only requires a few minutes to deliver. The payoff in terms of employee satisfaction and retention is huge.
2. Assignment to a task force or special project lead. This sends the message that your employee is valued for his or her abilities and creative problem solving. It gives them the opportunity to gain valuable experience and visibility, which can pay dividends in the longer term when money is not so tight.
3. Time spent with senior leadership. When valued employees are sought out for their ideas and opinions by the senior leaders in a organization, they feel seen, heard, appreciated. This can be as simple as saying, "Leslie, I'd like to hear your ideas on how we might approach a new project in the works."

People do their best work when they are inspired. Part of what inspires us is feeling seen and heard, along with the invitation to use our creative problem-solving skills and feel like our ideas land in fertile soil and a welcoming environment. In any economy, people are our most valuable asset, and deserve to be treated that way. The potential return on investment makes the effort a no brainer.

Are You Having a Grand Adventure?

Conversations with clients, colleagues and friends lately have led me to an interesting conclusion about how each of us experiments with just the right ingredients for a satisfying life and career, relative to risk and adventure. Here is an analogy: have you ever been reading a book and it was so predictable it became boring and you set it aside, never to be picked up again? That same book might have just the right measure of description, action and adventure for someone else, but it wasn't stimulating enough for you. Life is like that too.

We think we want stability, guarantees, predictable outcomes for our businesses and careers, especially in light of the last eighteen months or so of financial uncertainty. But do we really? Isn't the uncertainty what makes life interesting? If we were guaranteed the outcome, there would be no surprises, and thus no adventure. Wasn't there a Twilight Zone with this same theme?

I'm noticing that the very uncertainty we have about the success or failure of any initiative is what gives it zest and excitement. Perhaps we might reframe that sense of uncertainty. Maybe we could look at it as the excitement of not knowing the end of the chapter. When we are engaged in a good book, part of the thrill is eagerly anticipating what might happen next. What if we saw our own lives in the same way? We don't know what will happen next, yet we are willing to take some action to bring about the results we want. We are willing, like the characters we love, to rise above our past and call upon our courage to go a little farther out on the edge than we have before.

If you were a character in a book, would you be interesting? Would you garner admiration for acting on your convictions? Would your choices be interesting or dull? We get an opportunity for a blank page every single day. What are you going to put on yours today?