Thursday, September 11, 2008

Profound Self Acceptance

Sometimes we all get so caught up in pursuing our goals that we forget why we are in business in the first place. We forget that the heart of any meaningful contribution is about relationships, about adding and uplifting  the client or customer's experience in some way. And in order to be strong in building and honoring relationships, we must begin with the one we have with ourselves.

Ultimately, every relationship we have is a reflection of the one we have with ourselves. If we are feeling lack, then we try to compensate through others. Here is an example: a senior manager we'll call Lola told me this week that she finds it physically and emotionally painful to receive recognition because it always feels undeserved and makes her want to hide. Yet this manager railroads nearly every conversation to point out all that she is accomplishing so that she will be recognized. She takes on too many projects in an attempt to prove her value and ends up not delivering her best on any of them. Sound familiar? 

There are steps we can take to begin practicing self acceptance. Here are five:
  • Recognize our innate value as a contributor to this life, simply by being here. We add to every interaction our energy and spirit. 
  • Learn to look at strengths and express those more. Find ways to leverage the things you are naturally good at and enjoy.
  • Be as kind to ourselves as we would be to a young protege about places where we are growing and not yet up to speed.
  • Give ourselves credit for recognizing places to improve without using that to bludgeon ourselves.
  • Stop telling the story of lack. For instance, instead of saying, "I'm a procrastinator," say "I have my own sense of timing, and when the energy is lined up, I take action."
Most of us were taught to love unconditionally, but few of us practice loving ourselves that way. And even fewer of us translate that into a best practice for business success. It works. Try it.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Leveraging Energy Through Goals

Anyone watching this summer's Olympic games can see the power of reaching big goals. We are practically unlimited in our ability to create and accomplish. One thing I've noticed in working with clients and in my own experience is that sometimes we use goals to keep ourselves on track, and sometimes we use them to beat up on ourselves. 

Take a look at the following two lists and see if you are primarily focused on the positive aspects of goal setting:

Positive Use of Goals
  • Help us remember the course we have chosen
  • Remind us what we will have achieved when the goal is complete
  • Energize us with the mental picture of our realized objective
  • Assist us in keeping track of baby steps along the way
  • Show us how far we have come
Negative Use of Goals
  • Make us feel bad for not measuring up
  • Create self talk that is critical in nature "You are such a loser!"
  • Drain our energy
  • Reinforce our low self esteem
  • Create feelings of disempowerment (i.e. I am not able to complete things)
Remember that goal setting is a tool to support you in living the life you want to live. What other people are doing and what they think about what you are doing is irrelevant. If you have a goal on your list that has been there for awhile, ask yourself if it is something that is important to you or a "should" that you really don't intend to follow up on. Remove those goals that have no or little meaning for you and only put down those that you have enthusiasm for.

Question: Is an athlete that landed in fourth place by 100th of a second any less accomplished than if they'd won a medal? 

Thursday, July 10, 2008

The Warrior Leader

I was asked by a colleague to compare the skills of a warrior to that of an effective leader. This is what we observed:
(Male pronoun used for ease, but holds true for both genders)
  • He carries the vision for peace and prosperity in his heart and shares it with his people
  • He holds the courage to face anything, and the wisdom to avoid the need for war
  • He honors the Great Spirit, connecting with It often, listening for wisdom
  • He spends time in nature, reflecting on the big picture and the web of life that touches us all
  • He fosters community among his people, building bonds, knowing them well, seeing and helping them grow their gifts
  • He recognizes the power of diversity and encourages the sharing of ideas and growing leadership in others
  • He is cunning about the dance with ego and doesn't let it pull him away from center; he doesn't take things personally
  • He has a huge capacity for joy and compassion
  • His weapons (tools) are in the finest condition and he uses them with great skill whether he needs them daily or not
  • His focus and concentration are strong when he works, and when he is at rest, he rests fully
  • He takes care of his body, knowing that it is his most important tool
  • He honors the rituals that give him strength, power, humility and love
  • He does the best he can each day and doesn't worry about yesterday or tomorrow
  • He honors all creatures as his brothers/sisters and the Earth as Mother to us all
How many of these are you claiming and living for yourself?

Friday, June 6, 2008

Success From a Contrarian's Perspective

I wonder how many of us have conflicting maps to the success of our goals. In conversations with clients, the "should" goals often tumble out first, then when we get into the groove of exploring intuition and where the subtle pulls on our attention are coming from, it often becomes apparent that the real desires have been sort of masked by all the hoopla in our world about what we are supposed to want. 

I noticed that cropping up for myself this week, as I was working with my own coach. (yes, I believe in the value of coaching enough to hire one for myself) Some weeks ago, he began challenging me to "put a stake in the ground" about what I wanted for myself and my business. I dragged my feet somewhat, feeling much too busy in the doing of life and business to contemplate such a big question. I was all about the items on my to-do list and getting them checked off.

We finally agreed we'd have that conversation this week, and in order to keep the agreement, I blocked out some time to think about it. What I realized is that true success must be a custom fit. We want it served up the way we want it, regardless of what the pundits say about how we should get there. The whole journey there can be delightful if we trust ourselves enough to follow our own instincts. When we move toward those things, people, ideas, activities and events that really call us with a sense of enthusiasm, we must be on the right path. 

It gets confusing when we are called to go this way, and the so-called experts tell us, "no no NO, the right way to do this is to go THAT way." If we allow conflicting messages to create split energy within ourselves, it is no wonder we aren't getting the results we want and feel overwhelmed in the process.

Listen to the internal cues about what feels best to you. Nothing wrong with hearing other points of view, but no matter how wise they sound, if they don't resonate with you, trust your own instinct and inner guidance. That inner contrarian may be holding aloft your true vision and keeping you on track.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Embrace Your Quirks

In our professional circles, we often try to put on our most polished and sophisticated faces to present to peers and colleagues and possible new clients. I've been reminded recently that what most of us want in the relationships we hold dear is authenticity. We connect more deeply with people who make us laugh and are easy to be with. We love their quirks. It gives us ample opportunity to tease and play with them in a good-natured way.

Why not loosen up in our professional circles and let them see the real us? Are we afraid they would think less of us if they knew we love to tango?  Let's embrace our quirks--they are part of our charm. Maybe you juggle for fun, or you have the habit of alphabetizing letters in words. These are the very qualities that make you unique and special. By embracing the parts of ourselves that are fun, weird and quirky, we send a message to our own subconscious that says, "I like this person." 

I'd much prefer to have coffee with a colleague or client who is relaxed enough to be real. When I find myself in the company of those stiff, all-business types who won't talk about any other aspect of life, it seems extremely limiting and one dimensional. Let's give ourselves and each other the freedom to be whole, multi-dimensional beings who enjoy life on many levels. 

Friday, May 9, 2008

Surrender to Simplify

The segment intending process was a good first step. It got me through a crucial step that needed to be completed on  a project I'm working on. Looking at it a week later, I've come to the awareness that part of the challenge is I simply have too many distractions vying for my attention. I'm ready to wave the white flag of surrender and admit that I can't do it all. At least, not all at once. In an attempt to simplify, I've unsubscribed to a handful of mailing lists and put aside a shopping bag full of books that were taking up mental and physical space.  If  we whittle down those things that are really soul-expanding and delicious, what might life be like then? 

Adding to my best practice list: Keep it simple, more is not necessarily better. Before taking on one more book, client, project, ask: is this how I want to spend my time now?

Friday, May 2, 2008

Best Practices

I've decided to follow my own advice and set up best practices in each area of my life to act as guidelines, so that I'm not recreating the wheel every time an old issue resurfaces. The area that seems to be most challenging for me lately is handling all my commitments with ease. I'd like to be managing my time better. One tool that has worked for me in the past was segment intending.

Segment intending works like this: In this next hour, I'm going to focus my best thinking and give my full attention to (fill in the blank). Then I'll take the next highest item on my list of priorities for the day and devote a block of time to it. No multitasking...that simply waters down my effectiveness and delays my accomplishing anything fully.

I'm aiming to mine my memory over the next few days to come up with a list of five of the best practices I've used to manage my time and be effective. Keep it simple, if I practice those five, I'll be way ahead of the game.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

30 Day Challenge: Expand Your Possibilities

Today marks the beginning of my 30-Day challenge to expand your idea of what's possible. Here's how it goes: for the next month, notice your thoughts around what you'd like to have in your life and what you believe is possible. For example, you want a lifestyle that allows you more free time and you want to work a maximum of 25 hours a week with no reduction in income. Where before you might have jumped to "how can I do that" then "I don't know how I can do that so it must not be possible for me" this time, you are going to work with your thoughts and nudge them toward leaving the possibility out there, as in "I can't see the how right now, but I acknowledge that there might be a possibility that will emerge." That's all I'm asking. Just to allow for the possibility, then report back on what happens. 

I'm about to go on vacation, so I'll touch base when upon return and let you know what showed up the first week of really practicing this thought. Blessings - Teri

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Relationships Make It All Happen

I was working with a client today, a young woman entering the early stages of entrepreneurism and wanting so much to create a successful launch all at once. I walked with her in the conversation to the point where she realized that every part of her success hinges upon her ability to build solid relationships with people. The impact this realization made on her was palpable on the call. Suddenly, she saw her business in the larger context of her life, and service to others and the dots came together to form a picture that really touched her.

We talked about how everything we experience—certainly all our business success—happens through the relationships we have with others. Therefore, relationship building must be a part of every business person's skill set. And in a broader context, she saw this as an opportunity to live her spiritual values: to offer love to her fellow men and women, to show up authentically and be interested in them and what is going on in their world. I think she's well on her way to great success, and it was an excellent reminder to me.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Leading Change

After participating in Bill Welter's webinar today, (he is the author of The Prepared Mind of a Leader: Eight Skills Leaders Use to Innovate, Make Decisions and Solve Problems) I was pondering the whole concept of responding to change in our businesses and our personal lives. In light of the number of changes unfolding on multiple fronts daily, the question arises, "What's relevant to me?" 

I believe we must become even better at knowing our values and priorities in order to allow in those ideas and possibilities that are most relevant and screen out the ones that have low relevancy. How do we accomplish this? It will likely look different for each of us, but on some level we must integrate our values and vision for the future into our everyday mind. 

For those of us who journal, we can note what is holding our attention. What are the topics you return to repeatedly? If you have regular reading either online or in the newspaper or trade journals, what sections do you turn to religiously? What personal interest stories grab you? And how do these interests relate to your top values?

Perhaps we begin by simply asking a few key questions:
  • How and why is this change relevant to me? 
  • How might it represent opportunity?
  • What can I do to understand the meaning behind the change and how it relates to my business?
  • What responses are called for, if any?
Bill used the example of Folgers Coffee leading the market for several decades, and not paying attention to the upstart Starbucks when it was making ripples in Seattle. If Folgers had responded  early in the game, the outcome might have been very different in coffee land. What is happening in your business sector now that might represent a huge opportunity? 

And the larger question may be, are we taking time to think about what's happening and reflect on what that might mean? Or are we so much in reacting mode that this kind of strategic thought doesn't happen?