Thursday, June 9, 2011

Who Is Driving the Boat?

There are many facets to each of us. We think we've outgrown the petulant child and the rebellious teenager aspects of ourselves, but we never really do. The best we can do is make a conscious decision in any given moment about who we want manning Command Central. Who is driving the boat that is your life?

We have had one of the rainiest Seattle winters/springs on record this year and I noticed feeling a little curmudgeonly more than usual. When I stopped playing pool and simply playing for the fun of being with my partner, I took a closer look and sure enough, the surly teenager aspect of my personality was at the helm, pouting because the weather "sucks." If she couldn't have sunshine, she simply wasn't going to play.

I wonder how often some part of us takes over, in meetings ("Will you shut the hell up and let me talk, mush brain?"), when we feel unappreciated ("I'm the one who had this idea to begin with!") or frustrated ("Argh! Why don't they make these backup systems more user friendly?").

The truth is, these sub-personalities are shifting in and out of Command Central all day, and it's easy to allow one of them to take over without even being aware that we have done so. What are some solutions?

We can become more aware of who is in charge in any given moment or situation. Although you might have different names for them, most of us have at least these familiar characters in our personality:
  • Capable Adult Leader
  • Critical Parent
  • Frightened Child
  • Rebellious Teen
  • Loving Protector
  • Warrior
Most of us are familiar with the Critic or as some call it, the Critical Parent. That's the voice you hear in your mind when you over spend and it says, "You didn't really need that. You should put some away for a rainy day." You might also recognize this voice when someone tells you what to do, rather than asking you: "You can't make me. I will find a way to not do this because YOU are not the boss of ME."

When we recognize that we'd like the Capable Adult Leader to be in charge, and someone else is, we can simply allow them to speak their mind (perhaps in a journaling session) then say, "Thank you for sharing, now the Adult is taking over."

This technique has been valuable to a number of clients over the years, and to me. I'm dusting it off and putting it to use. Who knows when Seattle's summer will actually arrive? I want to enjoy my days with no sulking teenager spoiling any of them.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Who Is On Your Dream Team?

For the last nine months, I've been working on the Tap Your Inner Genius program, designed to help individuals and teams recognize and utilize their inherent brilliance in their work and lives. One theme that has resurfaced many times in the research has been how collaborating with others takes our creativity to a higher level.

Specifically, we generate our best ideas when we have a team to work with where there is some common understanding of the objective and big picture, and each team member has their own areas of specialized knowledge that is different from other team members. In other words, we benefit from rubbing elbows and mixing our thoughts with a diverse group.

Since many of us work solo, or on teams where everyone has the same background and training, how would we assemble such a brainstorming team? And how would we best utilize our time together for generating ideas?

Here are five tips I've gleaned from the research and experimentation:
  • Bring together a group of 7 to 9 individuals who do not work together every day. According to research, this is the ideal number for creating an energetic, lively conversation that is still manageable and not too time consuming for everyone to participate.
  • Invite people from diverse specialties, like financial, legal, creative. We often hang out with our peers. Be adventurous and invite in sharp people from backgrounds you know little about.
  • Let there be a wide range of age and a good mix of gender. These multiple perspectives help us see challenges from lots of angles.
  • Alternate between individual time generating ideas in solitude and coming together to generate ideas in a group setting. You might circulate an email in advance of the in-person meeting stating what puzzle you want to solve and asking each person to come with 3 ideas. Then, when everyone convenes, those ideas will spark other ideas and you are off and running.
  • Be honest with yourself about what your strengths are and where you most need support to round out the skills available to you. The most accomplished people in every field surround themselves with capable support.
You may want to form a loose mastermind group that agrees to collaborate together to help each other arrive at innovative solutions for each other on a rotating basis. Or, you may choose to work with individuals who are good at things you aren't good at on a one-on-one basis. None of us is good at everything. Round out your team with people who think differently than you do. You may be surprised at what you co-create.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Say No to Nebulous Obstacles!

For the last several weeks, I've been longing to pick up my paintbrushes and let my creative side out to play freely. Between the crunch of the holidays and launching a new game (more about that later), I'd been feeling like the mountain of things to do was crushing me to the point that I had no room to move, let alone paint anytime soon.

Then, on Saturday my husband and I went to exchange a couple of gifts at the mall and take our walk in relative warmth. I was drawn in to a new gallery and found myself standing before some paintings of whimsical trees which stirred such longing in my heart, I decided to act.

Yesterday, as I was planning my day and week, there was an insistent tap on my awareness to include time to paint, and I finally faced the beliefs that were keeping me from an activity that I love: they were a nebulous mix:
  • a have a ton of important things to do (how many are in a ton, anyway?)
  • this is frivolous because it is just for fun
  • if I do this, there won't be time to do all the other stuff
When I asked myself how much time I needed to set aside for painting, and decided an hour would be a good start, I realized just how nebulous those reasons I'd been using actually were.
I also realized how many days I didn't indulge the desire to paint, and still all that other stuff did not get done, nor was my to-do list ever likely to be complete, since we continually add to it.

It took me 5 minutes to set up paints, painting surface and turn on the tunes. I painted blissfully for 50 minutes, completing 2 small paintings and a study in my sketchbook. The space was cleared and everything back in its place in the last five minutes of the hour I'd alloted.

Isn't it amazing how clear we are when we get specific about what is required to fulfill our desire? My takeaway? Be specific about what you really need to indulge your fun, your dreams, your passion. Then claim it and make the most of it. Say "no" to nebulous obstacles!