Get Unstuck: Declare Your Ambiguity

Whether you are starting a new project on your own or working in collaboration with a team, those murky areas where you aren't clear what the facts are, what you want, what's even possible can stop you and the group in your tracks and the whole project can come to a lock-kneed halt. To get unstuck from this, use a tool I borrowed from Mary Beth O'Neill at LIOS (Leadership Institute of Seattle):

Declare Your Ambiguity

There are 5 steps to this process:

1. Declare The Ambiguity. Own up to it. Sometimes everyone is thinking the same thing, but no one wants to say so, wondering silently whether their peers have as many unanswered questions as they do, but not wanting to look incompetent. As long as this murky feeling sits with you and/or the group undeclared, you aren't really dealing with it, but it is still there.
2. State What you Are Clear On. In any given project or scenario, there are pieces you have clarity about, and pieces that are somewhat foggy or less clear, or a total blank. Begin with what you are clear about. Maybe it is the outcome, or the start date, or the timeframe. Whatever you are clear on, state it as a place to begin. This is like putting down the puzzle pieces you definitely recognize and you can build on them.
3. State what is unclear, undefined, or murky. "This is where I feel I'm grasping in the dark," or "Here is where the lines begin to fade for me," are statements describing that feeling of not knowing where you stand. It might be different for you than a colleague, but by stating it you open a dialogue that can be clarifying.
4. State the information that would clarify. "If I knew what the budget was, I'd feel better about providing some solutions," or "Who, exactly, is our perfect customer for this service?" or "How long will we be in this temporary office?"
5. Ask for what you need. Be specific: "Ray, can you let me know by tomorrow when the vendor is available and what he will charge for this part of the project?" 

Once these steps have been taken, more pieces of the puzzle come into focus and you can move forward. When working solo, you may want to have a thought partner to talk through your ambiguity with, such as a coach or friend. If you are one who journals, you might work it out on the page in a mind map format. Repeat as often as required. Keep moving toward the things that light you up.

Who Is Driving the Boat?

There are many facets to each of us. We think we've outgrown the petulant child and the rebellious teenager aspects of ourselves, but we never really do. The best we can do is make a conscious decision in any given moment about who we want manning Command Central. Who is driving the boat that is your life?

We have had one of the rainiest Seattle winters/springs on record this year and I noticed feeling a little curmudgeonly more than usual. When I stopped playing pool and simply playing for the fun of being with my partner, I took a closer look and sure enough, the surly teenager aspect of my personality was at the helm, pouting because the weather "sucks." If she couldn't have sunshine, she simply wasn't going to play.

I wonder how often some part of us takes over, in meetings ("Will you shut the hell up and let me talk, mush brain?"), when we feel unappreciated ("I'm the one who had this idea to begin with!") or frustrated ("Argh! Why don't they make these backup systems more user friendly?").

The truth is, these sub-personalities are shifting in and out of Command Central all day, and it's easy to allow one of them to take over without even being aware that we have done so. What are some solutions?

We can become more aware of who is in charge in any given moment or situation. Although you might have different names for them, most of us have at least these familiar characters in our personality:

• Capable Adult Leader
• Critical Parent
• Frightened Child
• Rebellious Teen
• Loving Protector
• Warrior

Most of us are familiar with the Critic or as some call it, the Critical Parent. That's the voice you hear in your mind when you over spend and it says, "You didn't really need that. You should put some away for a rainy day." You might also recognize this voice when someone tells you what to do, rather than asking you: "You can't make me. I will find a way to not do this because YOU are not the boss of ME."

When we recognize that we'd like the Capable Adult Leader to be in charge, and someone else is, we can simply allow them to speak their mind (perhaps in a journaling session) then say, "Thank you for sharing, now the Adult is taking over."

This technique has been valuable to a number of clients over the years, and to me. I'm dusting it off and putting it to use. Who knows when Seattle's summer will actually arrive? I want to enjoy my days with no sulking teenager spoiling any of them.