Profound Self Acceptance

Sometimes we all get so caught up in pursuing our goals that we forget why we are in business in the first place. We forget that the heart of any meaningful contribution is about relationships, about adding and uplifting  the client or customer's experience in some way. And in order to be strong in building and honoring relationships, we must begin with the one we have with ourselves.

Ultimately, every relationship we have is a reflection of the one we have with ourselves. If we are feeling lack, then we try to compensate through others. Here is an example: a senior manager we'll call Lola told me this week that she finds it physically and emotionally painful to receive recognition because it always feels undeserved and makes her want to hide. Yet this manager railroads nearly every conversation to point out all that she is accomplishing so that she will be recognized. She takes on too many projects in an attempt to prove her value and ends up not delivering her best on any of them. Sound familiar? 

There are steps we can take to begin practicing self acceptance. Here are five:

• Recognize our innate value as a contributor to this life, simply by being here. We add to every interaction our energy and spirit. 
• Learn to look at strengths and express those more. Find ways to leverage the things you are naturally good at and enjoy.
• Be as kind to ourselves as we would be to a young protege about places where we are growing and not yet up to speed.
• Give ourselves credit for recognizing places to improve without using that to bludgeon ourselves.
• Stop telling the story of lack. For instance, instead of saying, "I'm a procrastinator," say "I have my own sense of timing, and when the energy is lined up, I take action."

Most of us were taught to love unconditionally, but few of us practice loving ourselves that way. And even fewer of us translate that into a best practice for business success. It works. Try it.

Leveraging Energy Through Goals

Anyone watching this summer's Olympic games can see the power of reaching big goals. We are practically unlimited in our ability to create and accomplish. One thing I've noticed in working with clients and in my own experience is that sometimes we use goals to keep ourselves on track, and sometimes we use them to beat up on ourselves. 

Take a look at the following two lists and see if you are primarily focused on the positive aspects of goal setting:

Positive Use of Goals

• Help us remember the course we have chosen
• Remind us what we will have achieved when the goal is complete
• Energize us with the mental picture of our realized objective
• Assist us in keeping track of baby steps along the way
• Show us how far we have come

Negative Use of Goals

• Make us feel bad for not measuring up
• Create self talk that is critical in nature "You are such a loser!"
• Drain our energy
• Reinforce our low self esteem
• Create feelings of disempowerment (i.e. I am not able to complete things)

Remember that goal setting is a tool to support you in living the life you want to live. What other people are doing and what they think about what you are doing is irrelevant. If you have a goal on your list that has been there for awhile, ask yourself if it is something that is important to you or a "should" that you really don't intend to follow up on. Remove those goals that have no or little meaning for you and only put down those that you have enthusiasm for.

Question: Is an athlete that landed in fourth place by 100th of a second any less accomplished than if they'd won a medal? 

The Warrior Leader

I was asked by a colleague to compare the skills of a warrior to that of an effective leader. This is what we observed:

(Male pronoun used for ease, but holds true for both genders)

• He carries the vision for peace and prosperity in his heart and shares it with his people
• He holds the courage to face anything, and the wisdom to avoid the need for war
• He honors the Great Spirit, connecting with It often, listening for wisdom
• He spends time in nature, reflecting on the big picture and the web of life that touches us all
• He fosters community among his people, building bonds, knowing them well, seeing and helping them grow their gifts
• He recognizes the power of diversity and encourages the sharing of ideas and growing leadership in others
• He is cunning about the dance with ego and doesn't let it pull him away from center; he doesn't take things personally
• He has a huge capacity for joy and compassion
• His weapons (tools) are in the finest condition and he uses them with great skill whether he needs them daily or not
• His focus and concentration are strong when he works, and when he is at rest, he rests fully
• He takes care of his body, knowing that it is his most important tool
• He honors the rituals that give him strength, power, humility and love
• He does the best he can each day and doesn't worry about yesterday or tomorrow
• He honors all creatures as his brothers/sisters and the Earth as Mother to us all

How many of these are you claiming and living for yourself?

Success From a Contrarian's Perspective

I wonder how many of us have conflicting maps to the success of our goals. In conversations with clients, the "should" goals often tumble out first, then when we get into the groove of exploring intuition and where the subtle pulls on our attention are coming from, it often becomes apparent that the real desires have been sort of masked by all the hoopla in our world about what we are supposed to want. 

I noticed that cropping up for myself this week, as I was working with my own coach. (yes, I believe in the value of coaching enough to hire one for myself) Some weeks ago, he began challenging me to "put a stake in the ground" about what I wanted for myself and my business. I dragged my feet somewhat, feeling much too busy in the doing of life and business to contemplate such a big question. I was all about the items on my to-do list and getting them checked off.

We finally agreed we'd have that conversation this week, and in order to keep the agreement, I blocked out some time to think about it. What I realized is that true success must be a custom fit. We want it served up the way we want it, regardless of what the pundits say about how we should get there. The whole journey there can be delightful if we trust ourselves enough to follow our own instincts. When we move toward those things, people, ideas, activities and events that really call us with a sense of enthusiasm, we must be on the right path. 

It gets confusing when we are called to go this way, and the so-called experts tell us, "no no NO, the right way to do this is to go THAT way." If we allow conflicting messages to create split energy within ourselves, it is no wonder we aren't getting the results we want and feel overwhelmed in the process.

Listen to the internal cues about what feels best to you. Nothing wrong with hearing other points of view, but no matter how wise they sound, if they don't resonate with you, trust your own instinct and inner guidance. That inner contrarian may be holding aloft your true vision and keeping you on track.

Embrace Your Quirks

In our professional circles, we often try to put on our most polished and sophisticated faces to present to peers and colleagues and possible new clients. I've been reminded recently that what most of us want in the relationships we hold dear is authenticity. We connect more deeply with people who make us laugh and are easy to be with. We love their quirks. It gives us ample opportunity to tease and play with them in a good-natured way.

Why not loosen up in our professional circles and let them see the real us? Are we afraid they would think less of us if they knew we love to tango?  Let's embrace our quirks--they are part of our charm. Maybe you juggle for fun, or you have the habit of alphabetizing letters in words. These are the very qualities that make you unique and special. By embracing the parts of ourselves that are fun, weird and quirky, we send a message to our own subconscious that says, "I like this person." 

I'd much prefer to have coffee with a colleague or client who is relaxed enough to be real. When I find myself in the company of those stiff, all-business types who won't talk about any other aspect of life, it seems extremely limiting and one dimensional. Let's give ourselves and each other the freedom to be whole, multi-dimensional beings who enjoy life on many levels. 

Surrender to Simplify

The segment intending process was a good first step. It got me through a crucial step that needed to be completed on  a project I'm working on. Looking at it a week later, I've come to the awareness that part of the challenge is I simply have too many distractions vying for my attention. I'm ready to wave the white flag of surrender and admit that I can't do it all. At least, not all at once. In an attempt to simplify, I've unsubscribed to a handful of mailing lists and put aside a shopping bag full of books that were taking up mental and physical space.  If  we whittle down those things that are really soul-expanding and delicious, what might life be like then? 

Adding to my best practice list: Keep it simple, more is not necessarily better. Before taking on one more book, client, project, ask: is this how I want to spend my time now?

Best Practices

I've decided to follow my own advice and set up best practices in each area of my life to act as guidelines, so that I'm not recreating the wheel every time an old issue resurfaces. The area that seems to be most challenging for me lately is handling all my commitments with ease. I'd like to be managing my time better. One tool that has worked for me in the past was segment intending.

Segment intending works like this: In this next hour, I'm going to focus my best thinking and give my full attention to (fill in the blank). Then I'll take the next highest item on my list of priorities for the day and devote a block of time to it. No multitasking...that simply waters down my effectiveness and delays my accomplishing anything fully.

I'm aiming to mine my memory over the next few days to come up with a list of five of the best practices I've used to manage my time and be effective. Keep it simple, if I practice those five, I'll be way ahead of the game.