Is it Time to Update Your Self Image?

Quarterly Review

As an executive/business coach, I participate in a peer-coaching program that runs quarter to quarter, and as we approach the end of first quarter, 2010, I had the opportunity to review with my coach the progress we’ve made this past quarter. I was surprised at how much clarity was gained, how many step-by-step plans were laid out and how many actions were taken toward completing those plans in such a short period.

As we celebrated the realized goals and progress toward other objectives, it occurred to me that this was a powerful exercise in keeping my self image up to date. You see, I don’t always have a quarterly review with my coach because we often keep renewing our agreement quarter to quarter. This time, my coach was taking a break to complete a radio project and I’ll be starting with a new coach, so we set aside an hour to review and celebrate our accomplishments.

Pause for Reflection

Most of us are constantly on the move, crossing off the next line item on our perpetual to-do lists. It can be (and was) so valuable to pause and look at how much we have learned and grown over a three-month period. I invite you to take a look at your accomplishments over the quarter, looking for evidence of:

• Clarity gained – where are you clearer on what your objectives are and what you stand for? There are likely areas that have become much more in focus for you than before. Take a moment to acknowledge those.
• Acceptance – what or who might you have made peace with over the last few months. Is there an aspect of someone or something that used to torture you that you have come to appreciate and accept?
• Roadmap – What plans have you laid out for yourself that will facilitate something important to your life, your work or relationships? Creating a step-by-step plan takes time but pays off exponentially in supporting your long-term goals.
• Action Taken – What steps have you completed toward some of your closely held intentions? Be sure to acknowledge all the progress you make, not just the arrival, or the end result. It takes courage and discipline to keep moving steadily toward a goal. You deserve some kudos for that.
• Learning – We learn every day. Imagine how much you have expanded your skills and awareness in the last three months. What classes have you taken or software have you learned more about? What subjects are you more informed about now?

In short, you have expanded and grown as a person this quarter. You are not the same person you were when the year began—you are more polished, aware and prepared that you were before. Allow that to sink into the image you hold of yourself, and remember to pause for this kind of acknowledgement at least quarterly. We’ll talk next time about how to course correct and mine the learning, but for now bask in appreciation for what you have become and accomplished.

True Currency and How We Control It

Working with clients and with my own stewardship of resources over the last economically challenging year, I've seen so much attention being focused on money issues and frustration that I wanted to share an "aha!" awareness that came forward for me recently.

Thought is the real currency of life. Directed, deliberate thought is the stuff from which everything flows. We act as if it all comes from the dollars in our bank accounts, and later down the creation pipeline, it does show up there. But that isn't where it began. All abundance we consider to be good, whether money, love, health, friends--all of it began with thought. Stay with me, I know this will be as good a reminder to some of you as it was to me.

There are days when we feel great: smart, capable and believing that life is good. From that place, we agree to do something that is a bit of a stretch for us. As the day to deliver on that promise comes closer, let's say we are in a bit of a funk emotionally and we cannot imagine what persuaded us to make such a commitment. We literally don't have access to the perspective that gave birth to that idea. What?

I'll say it again: in every moment, we have a certain perspective on life, ourselves, our world. When we feel good and are thinking uplifting thoughts, like "life is good," and "I am capable and intelligent," we have access to a point of view that vanishes when we are plugged into less positive thoughts like, "Life sucks!" or "I'm a loser."

Every time we consciously direct our thoughts to looking for the best in ourselves, others and the world, we are in a creative mode, generating positive energy that eventually becomes and idea we act on and somewhere down the line generates the cash that lands in our bank account. But it all began with a single, deliberate thought.

Your Magnum Opus

We hear about the great works of brilliant people like famous composers or artists or writers and how a certain one of their works stands out as their best. The dictionary defines Magnum Opus as the single greatest work of an artist's life--her masterpiece.

I propose that we shift that idea just a bit to see that we are the greatest masterpiece of our lives. We are constantly growing, perfecting and refining ourselves to be better than we were yesterday, and last month, last year. We are constantly evolving into our greater selves. We are the Magnum Opus of our lives, and the works we produce are merely vehicles to allow us to work on ourselves, express our creativity and brilliance. We do it moment by moment, day by day, choice by choice.

Knowing this frees us to be involved in our unfolding in a more patient and loving way. We are in it for the long haul, constantly improving. We are masterpieces in the making, and knowing that allows us to experiment and take risks with the work we do, because each project is another opportunity to express a part of ourselves never before expressed. We are a work in progress, and looking at our lives in wide swaths of time, we see the magnificence of our own unfolding selves, and each other.

Today, look anew at the people in your life. See them as master craftsmen, shaping themselves in very specific ways to be the best they can be.

Learn to Discern

You know that feeling you get after overindulging, kind of like after Thanksgiving dinner? My brain starts to feel bloated in that same way. Sometimes we overload our thought system with too much data, and it makes us feel sluggish. Information is so readily available at our fingertips now, that we must develop a new skill: discernment. Here are 3 questions to ask to help keep your focus on what's most important:

1. What are my top 3 priorities this week? Today?
2. How much time is required (ball park) to give them my best?
3. How can my professional reading time be best used today, and how much time, exactly, am I giving to that?

Once those priorities are identified, be true to them. Decide in advance how much time you will devote to answering emails or on returning calls. Idle curiosity can lead us to a news site that becomes like a rabbit hole that we don't emerge from for two hours. That leaves no time for our best creative expression or the realization of our dearest goals. No one else is going to stand over us and encourage our most inspiring contribution. That is up to each of us. Discernment is a skill worth cultivating.

Authenticity

Ever notice how easily we compare ourselves to others and feel like we come up short? I noticed over the weekend how many fashion mags show perfect young women with no laugh lines or visible flaws. Then saw how many wrote in to a magazine that published a photo of a model comfortably baring it all even though she had a bit of a tummy pooch. Readers wrote in that finally, they were seeing a woman who looked like them. Can't we all relate to that?

I caught myself this morning feeling a bit critical of my own work process, until I stopped and realized that it is my natural process which works well for me and so what if it doesn't follow a 9-to-5, Monday through Friday format? As a writer, I gather for a period of time and then when it feels just right, I synthesize what I've gathered, re-package the information into an article, book, workshop and distribute. It isn't always linear. I enjoy the organic nature of my work. I love having clients come for coaching at just the right moment in their lives to make the greatest impact. My process may not look pretty on a chart, but it feels just right and feeds my authentic self and my soul. Who can ask for more than that? What a relief it is to say, "My way is a little different than most, and it works for me."

Listen--Can You Hear It?

How often does the quiet, confident voice of intuition speak, and we aren't listening? Often. The world can be noisy and we fill it with busyness. When we do have drive time or time to simply be, we often fill it with music or television. Nothing wrong with that. However, I challenge us all to an experiment. Today, or tomorrow morning, present a question you would like clarity on, and ask your intuition to provide the answer. Then give it some room to be heard. Take ten minutes of your commute to be quiet and listen. I wonder what answers we will hear when we simply get still and hear that steady, calm voice.

I'll get back to you on that. On the way to my next appointment, I plan to listen.

To Get Better Solutions, Ask Better Questions

The ideas and solutions we generate depend largely on the inner dialogue that we have with ourselves and more specifically, the questions we ask and answer.

Most of us have an inner conversation rolling along all day every day in those moments when we aren’t engaging with others. The quality and nature of the questions we ask determines the ideas and solutions we are able to see.

Here is an example: David, a product design engineer, has been working on a widget for three months and learns this morning that there is a major defect resulting from faulty test equipment. If the question he asks is, “What are they going to think of me in tomorrow’s design review?” he will head down a thought path quite different than if he asked a more positive question like, “What’s the fastest and best way to get accurate test results now?” or “Who might have the equipment required to re-test?”

When we learn to ask better questions—the ones pointed toward solutions and possibilities, we get better results faster. Here are a few examples of open-ended questions that lead to positive exploration:

• How can this situation be a win for everyone involved?
• What possibilities might exist that I haven’t thought of yet?
• What possibilities might exist that I haven’t thought of yet?
• If we looked at this from the perspective that the challenge was resolved successfully, and went step-by-step backwards, what would have happened right before it was resolved, and before that, etc.?

By asking these kinds of questions, we give ourselves access to fresh perspectives and often create breakthrough ideas.