Success From a Contrarian's Perspective

I wonder how many of us have conflicting maps to the success of our goals. In conversations with clients, the "should" goals often tumble out first, then when we get into the groove of exploring intuition and where the subtle pulls on our attention are coming from, it often becomes apparent that the real desires have been sort of masked by all the hoopla in our world about what we are supposed to want. 

I noticed that cropping up for myself this week, as I was working with my own coach. (yes, I believe in the value of coaching enough to hire one for myself) Some weeks ago, he began challenging me to "put a stake in the ground" about what I wanted for myself and my business. I dragged my feet somewhat, feeling much too busy in the doing of life and business to contemplate such a big question. I was all about the items on my to-do list and getting them checked off.

We finally agreed we'd have that conversation this week, and in order to keep the agreement, I blocked out some time to think about it. What I realized is that true success must be a custom fit. We want it served up the way we want it, regardless of what the pundits say about how we should get there. The whole journey there can be delightful if we trust ourselves enough to follow our own instincts. When we move toward those things, people, ideas, activities and events that really call us with a sense of enthusiasm, we must be on the right path. 

It gets confusing when we are called to go this way, and the so-called experts tell us, "no no NO, the right way to do this is to go THAT way." If we allow conflicting messages to create split energy within ourselves, it is no wonder we aren't getting the results we want and feel overwhelmed in the process.

Listen to the internal cues about what feels best to you. Nothing wrong with hearing other points of view, but no matter how wise they sound, if they don't resonate with you, trust your own instinct and inner guidance. That inner contrarian may be holding aloft your true vision and keeping you on track.

Embrace Your Quirks

In our professional circles, we often try to put on our most polished and sophisticated faces to present to peers and colleagues and possible new clients. I've been reminded recently that what most of us want in the relationships we hold dear is authenticity. We connect more deeply with people who make us laugh and are easy to be with. We love their quirks. It gives us ample opportunity to tease and play with them in a good-natured way.

Why not loosen up in our professional circles and let them see the real us? Are we afraid they would think less of us if they knew we love to tango?  Let's embrace our quirks--they are part of our charm. Maybe you juggle for fun, or you have the habit of alphabetizing letters in words. These are the very qualities that make you unique and special. By embracing the parts of ourselves that are fun, weird and quirky, we send a message to our own subconscious that says, "I like this person." 

I'd much prefer to have coffee with a colleague or client who is relaxed enough to be real. When I find myself in the company of those stiff, all-business types who won't talk about any other aspect of life, it seems extremely limiting and one dimensional. Let's give ourselves and each other the freedom to be whole, multi-dimensional beings who enjoy life on many levels. 

Surrender to Simplify

The segment intending process was a good first step. It got me through a crucial step that needed to be completed on  a project I'm working on. Looking at it a week later, I've come to the awareness that part of the challenge is I simply have too many distractions vying for my attention. I'm ready to wave the white flag of surrender and admit that I can't do it all. At least, not all at once. In an attempt to simplify, I've unsubscribed to a handful of mailing lists and put aside a shopping bag full of books that were taking up mental and physical space.  If  we whittle down those things that are really soul-expanding and delicious, what might life be like then? 

Adding to my best practice list: Keep it simple, more is not necessarily better. Before taking on one more book, client, project, ask: is this how I want to spend my time now?

Best Practices

I've decided to follow my own advice and set up best practices in each area of my life to act as guidelines, so that I'm not recreating the wheel every time an old issue resurfaces. The area that seems to be most challenging for me lately is handling all my commitments with ease. I'd like to be managing my time better. One tool that has worked for me in the past was segment intending.

Segment intending works like this: In this next hour, I'm going to focus my best thinking and give my full attention to (fill in the blank). Then I'll take the next highest item on my list of priorities for the day and devote a block of time to it. No multitasking...that simply waters down my effectiveness and delays my accomplishing anything fully.

I'm aiming to mine my memory over the next few days to come up with a list of five of the best practices I've used to manage my time and be effective. Keep it simple, if I practice those five, I'll be way ahead of the game.

30 Day Challenge: Expand Your Possibilities

Today marks the beginning of my 30-Day challenge to expand your idea of what's possible. Here's how it goes: for the next month, notice your thoughts around what you'd like to have in your life and what you believe is possible. For example, you want a lifestyle that allows you more free time and you want to work a maximum of 25 hours a week with no reduction in income. Where before you might have jumped to "how can I do that" then "I don't know how I can do that so it must not be possible for me" this time, you are going to work with your thoughts and nudge them toward leaving the possibility out there, as in "I can't see the how right now, but I acknowledge that there might be a possibility that will emerge." That's all I'm asking. Just to allow for the possibility, then report back on what happens. 

I'm about to go on vacation, so I'll touch base when upon return and let you know what showed up the first week of really practicing this thought. Blessings - Teri

Relationships Make It All Happen

I was working with a client today, a young woman entering the early stages of entrepreneurism and wanting so much to create a successful launch all at once. I walked with her in the conversation to the point where she realized that every part of her success hinges upon her ability to build solid relationships with people. The impact this realization made on her was palpable on the call. Suddenly, she saw her business in the larger context of her life, and service to others and the dots came together to form a picture that really touched her.

We talked about how everything we experience—certainly all our business success—happens through the relationships we have with others. Therefore, relationship building must be a part of every business person's skill set. And in a broader context, she saw this as an opportunity to live her spiritual values: to offer love to her fellow men and women, to show up authentically and be interested in them and what is going on in their world. I think she's well on her way to great success, and it was an excellent reminder to me.

Leading Change

After participating in Bill Welter's webinar today, (he is the author of The Prepared Mind of a Leader: Eight Skills Leaders Use to Innovate, Make Decisions and Solve Problems) I was pondering the whole concept of responding to change in our businesses and our personal lives. In light of the number of changes unfolding on multiple fronts daily, the question arises, "What's relevant to me?" 

I believe we must become even better at knowing our values and priorities in order to allow in those ideas and possibilities that are most relevant and screen out the ones that have low relevancy. How do we accomplish this? It will likely look different for each of us, but on some level we must integrate our values and vision for the future into our everyday mind. 

For those of us who journal, we can note what is holding our attention. What are the topics you return to repeatedly? If you have regular reading either online or in the newspaper or trade journals, what sections do you turn to religiously? What personal interest stories grab you? And how do these interests relate to your top values?

Perhaps we begin by simply asking a few key questions:

• How and why is this change relevant to me? 
• How might it represent opportunity?
• What can I do to understand the meaning behind the change and how it relates to my business?
• What responses are called for, if any?

Bill used the example of Folgers Coffee leading the market for several decades, and not paying attention to the upstart Starbucks when it was making ripples in Seattle. If Folgers had responded  early in the game, the outcome might have been very different in coffee land. What is happening in your business sector now that might represent a huge opportunity? 

And the larger question may be, are we taking time to think about what's happening and reflect on what that might mean? Or are we so much in reacting mode that this kind of strategic thought doesn't happen?