Reaching For Personal Best

Who Is Driving the Boat?

2011-06-09T15:24:00.000-07:00

There are many facets to each of us. We think we've outgrown the petulant child and the rebellious teenager aspects of ourselves, but we never really do. The best we can do is make a conscious decision in any given moment about who we want manning Command Central. Who is driving the boat that is your life?

We have had one of the rainiest Seattle winters/springs on record this year and I noticed feeling a little curmudgeonly more than usual. When I stopped playing pool and simply playing for the fun of being with my partner, I took a closer look and sure enough, the surly teenager aspect of my personality was at the helm, pouting because the weather "sucks." If she couldn't have sunshine, she simply wasn't going to play.

I wonder how often some part of us takes over, in meetings ("Will you shut the hell up and let me talk, mush brain?"), when we feel unappreciated ("I'm the one who had this idea to begin with!") or frustrated ("Argh! Why don't they make these backup systems more user friendly?").

The truth is, these sub-personalities are shifting in and out of Command Central all day, and it's easy to allow one of them to take over without even being aware that we have done so. What are some solutions?

We can become more aware of who is in charge in any given moment or situation. Although you might have different names for them, most of us have at least these familiar characters in our personality:

Capable Adult Leader
Critical Parent
Frightened Child
Rebellious Teen
Loving Protector
Warrior

Most of us are familiar with the Critic or as some call it, the Critical Parent. That's the voice you hear in your mind when you over spend and it says, "You didn't really need that. You should put some away for a rainy day." You might also recognize this voice when someone tells you what to do, rather than asking you: "You can't make me. I will find a way to not do this because YOU are not the boss of ME."

When we recognize that we'd like the Capable Adult Leader to be in charge, and someone else is, we can simply allow them to speak their mind (perhaps in a journaling session) then say, "Thank you for sharing, now the Adult is taking over."

This technique has been valuable to a number of clients over the years, and to me. I'm dusting it off and putting it to use. Who knows when Seattle's summer will actually arrive? I want to enjoy my days with no sulking teenager spoiling any of them.

Who Is On Your Dream Team?

2011-02-14T15:01:00.001-08:00

For the last nine months, I've been working on the Tap Your Inner Genius program, designed to help individuals and teams recognize and utilize their inherent brilliance in their work and lives. One theme that has resurfaced many times in the research has been how collaborating with others takes our creativity to a higher level.

Specifically, we generate our best ideas when we have a team to work with where there is some common understanding of the objective and big picture, and each team member has their own areas of specialized knowledge that is different from other team members. In other words, we benefit from rubbing elbows and mixing our thoughts with a diverse group.

Since many of us work solo, or on teams where everyone has the same background and training, how would we assemble such a brainstorming team? And how would we best utilize our time together for generating ideas?

Here are five tips I've gleaned from the research and experimentation:

Bring together a group of 7 to 9 individuals who do not work together every day. According to research, this is the ideal number for creating an energetic, lively conversation that is still manageable and not too time consuming for everyone to participate.
Invite people from diverse specialties, like financial, legal, creative. We often hang out with our peers. Be adventurous and invite in sharp people from backgrounds you know little about.
Let there be a wide range of age and a good mix of gender. These multiple perspectives help us see challenges from lots of angles.
Alternate between individual time generating ideas in solitude and coming together to generate ideas in a group setting. You might circulate an email in advance of the in-person meeting stating what puzzle you want to solve and asking each person to come with 3 ideas. Then, when everyone convenes, those ideas will spark other ideas and you are off and running.
Be honest with yourself about what your strengths are and where you most need support to round out the skills available to you. The most accomplished people in every field surround themselves with capable support.

You may want to form a loose mastermind group that agrees to collaborate together to help each other arrive at innovative solutions for each other on a rotating basis. Or, you may choose to work with individuals who are good at things you aren't good at on a one-on-one basis. None of us is good at everything. Round out your team with people who think differently than you do. You may be surprised at what you co-create.

Say No to Nebulous Obstacles!

2011-01-11T17:27:00.000-08:00

For the last several weeks, I've been longing to pick up my paintbrushes and let my creative side out to play freely. Between the crunch of the holidays and launching a new game (more about that later), I'd been feeling like the mountain of things to do was crushing me to the point that I had no room to move, let alone paint anytime soon.

Then, on Saturday my husband and I went to exchange a couple of gifts at the mall and take our walk in relative warmth. I was drawn in to a new gallery and found myself standing before some paintings of whimsical trees which stirred such longing in my heart, I decided to act.

Yesterday, as I was planning my day and week, there was an insistent tap on my awareness to include time to paint, and I finally faced the beliefs that were keeping me from an activity that I love: they were a nebulous mix:

a have a ton of important things to do (how many are in a ton, anyway?)
this is frivolous because it is just for fun
if I do this, there won't be time to do all the other stuff

When I asked myself how much time I needed to set aside for painting, and decided an hour would be a good start, I realized just how nebulous those reasons I'd been using actually were.

I also realized how many days I didn't indulge the desire to paint, and still all that other stuff did not get done, nor was my to-do list ever likely to be complete, since we continually add to it.

It took me 5 minutes to set up paints, painting surface and turn on the tunes. I painted blissfully for 50 minutes, completing 2 small paintings and a study in my sketchbook. The space was cleared and everything back in its place in the last five minutes of the hour I'd alloted.

Isn't it amazing how clear we are when we get specific about what is required to fulfill our desire? My takeaway? Be specific about what you really need to indulge your fun, your dreams, your passion. Then claim it and make the most of it. Say "no" to nebulous obstacles!

Design The Environment to Support You in Your Game

2010-08-25T15:58:00.000-07:00

Think of an environment that completely supports the achievement of your goals, like say, a gym. Most of us join a gym to firm up or lose weight, and have access to equipment or classes. From the moment you enter that environment, everything is designed to support you in those goals.

We walk in and are greeted by healthy, fit and friendly front desk folks. Upbeat music plays in the background. On the way to the weight machines, we notice through the glass window a spin class furiously burning calories. In the next window, we see Pilates equipment being put to good use. We are inspired by flat abs and chiseled biceps to get going so that we, too, might look so good.

This environment carries us along to our fitness goals, and within a few weeks of joining, sure enough, we are stronger, slimmer, and pleased about our progress.

Winning any game is easier when the environment supports us. If there are goals and initiatives that you have been striving toward for some time, take a look at the environment you have designed for yourself (even if you put no thought into it, it's still your design) and see whether that environment might be tweaked to make it easier to win the game you are up to.

Here are a couple of examples: You want to get a book written (or an article published) but never seem to get around to writing. Research shows that by pre-planning where and when you will do the writing, you are more likely to follow through and create a habit of writing at that time. Perhaps you get distracted by the ringing phone or the ding of your computer as new email arrives. By designing the environment to support distraction-free writing time, you are ahead of the game. Turn off the ringer on your phone, and silence the email notification on your computer. Whatever helps you get in the writing zone becomes part of the solution to playing the writing game well.

Let's say you want to get better at public presentations. There are a lot of ways to approach the realization of this goal. Here are some questions to help you identify an environment that will pull you along:

ask "Who do I need to become in order to accomplish this?" Maybe you need to become a person who prioritizes and plans better, or a person who calls upon their courage to try new things
ask "What will support me best in learning this skill?" Do you want a mentor? A class? To join an organization like Toastmasters?
ask "How do I want to build this into my weekly routine?" How much time are you willing to spend, and when and where?
ask "How will I know I have achieved my goal?" Will you measure success in terms of your comfort in presentations? By feedback from those on the receiving end? By how much you enjoy making presentations? What are the qualifiers that let you know you have succeeded?

It's easier to win any game when the environment supports us. Rather than beating ourselves up or feeling chided when we aren't getting the results we want, let us look at how we can tweak the environment to make it easier to win.

Playing to Win

2010-07-08T15:26:00.000-07:00

For the last four weeks, I've been immersed in a course that is all about having the games we play in life be winnable. There have been a number of shifts in perspective throughout this process--and the first one is the idea that we can turn any aspect of our lives into a game that's fun to play and winnable. After all, each of gets to be the architect of our own life. We may as well design it to bring the outcomes we want.

What constitutes a "winnable game?" Here are a few ideas:

A winnable game challenges me to bring my best strengths and skills into play and stretch a little. Maybe even a lot.
A winnable game has clearly defined objectives and a way to keep score. Although it's challenging, I have skills that I can use to play a good game.
A winnable game has a beginning and end, which gives me excitement during play and a chance to rest and look at how I can improve between games. Too many of us set up unwinnable games that drag on for years.
A winnable game involves other players with great skill and love for the game who are fun to play with and inspire me.

There are forty coaches playing the game in this 6-week course. Today, I'm at the top of the scoreboard, but that changes hourly as people update their online scorecards. We are having fun, accomplishing big things, little things and learning a ton about ourselves, each other and human nature.

Stay tuned for more on how to lose the task list and turn your actions into a game worth playing.

Rewarding Key Employees When Cash is Tight

2010-05-11T14:22:00.000-07:00

Finding ways to keep high-potential employees feeling good about your organization with a limited or non-existent budget for cash bonuses and incentives is a challenge many leaders are grappling with. In a recent study released by McKinsey, three ideas emerged as non-financial ways to help talented employees maintain enthusiasm for their position and feel valued and appreciated. They were:

Praise from their supervisor. Genuine acknowledgment of a job well done is always a boost to those who are striving to do their best. This costs nothing and only requires a few minutes to deliver. The payoff in terms of employee satisfaction and retention is huge.
Assignment to a task force or special project lead. This sends the message that your employee is valued for his or her abilities and creative problem solving. It gives them the opportunity to gain valuable experience and visibility, which can pay dividends in the longer term when money is not so tight.
Time spent with senior leadership. When valued employees are sought out for their ideas and opinions by the senior leaders in a organization, they feel seen, heard, appreciated. This can be as simple as saying, "Leslie, I'd like to hear your ideas on how we might approach a new project in the works."

People do their best work when they are inspired. Part of what inspires us is feeling seen and heard, along with the invitation to use our creative problem-solving skills and feel like our ideas land in fertile soil and a welcoming environment. In any economy, people are our most valuable asset, and deserve to be treated that way. The potential return on investment makes the effort a no brainer.

Are You Having a Grand Adventure?

2010-05-03T16:17:00.000-07:00

Conversations with clients, colleagues and friends lately have led me to an interesting conclusion about how each of us experiments with just the right ingredients for a satisfying life and career, relative to risk and adventure. Here is an analogy: have you ever been reading a book and it was so predictable it became boring and you set it aside, never to be picked up again? That same book might have just the right measure of description, action and adventure for someone else, but it wasn't stimulating enough for you. Life is like that too.

We think we want stability, guarantees, predictable outcomes for our businesses and careers, especially in light of the last eighteen months or so of financial uncertainty. But do we really? Isn't the uncertainty what makes life interesting? If we were guaranteed the outcome, there would be no surprises, and thus no adventure. Wasn't there a Twilight Zone with this same theme?

I'm noticing that the very uncertainty we have about the success or failure of any initiative is what gives it zest and excitement. Perhaps we might reframe that sense of uncertainty. Maybe we could look at it as the excitement of not knowing the end of the chapter. When we are engaged in a good book, part of the thrill is eagerly anticipating what might happen next. What if we saw our own lives in the same way? We don't know what will happen next, yet we are willing to take some action to bring about the results we want. We are willing, like the characters we love, to rise above our past and call upon our courage to go a little farther out on the edge than we have before.

If you were a character in a book, would you be interesting? Would you garner admiration for acting on your convictions? Would your choices be interesting or dull? We get an opportunity for a blank page every single day. What are you going to put on yours today?

Join Me in The Fifty Minute Experiment

2010-04-22T13:33:00.000-07:00

Enthusiasm for my business is up, ideas are flowing faster than ever and I have so much energy I can hardly sleep at night, all due to an experiment I'm currently running. I hope you will join me for a week at least, then report your findings back to see whether this idea has legs.

Here's the experiment: I've begun arranging my work day around 50-minute hours, rather than 60, so that the last ten minutes of each hour are devoted to getting in more physical activity. I walk every day, three miles first thing in the morning. It feels great, gets my day off to a good start, but that level of activity is not enough to keep the "muffin top" effect away. Plus, I noticed a lethargy creeping in mid afternoon, after two. Since I had a fairly full schedule already, there was motivation to get creative with my time.

I remembered that, early in my coaching practice I shared office space with 19 therapists, and their sessions were fifty minutes, which allowed a bathroom break, refreshments, stretching or notes before the next client session. I've kept that practice with my clients, even though we haven't been in the same building for several years now. However, I don't have client sessions eight hours a day every day, and for the most part was working straight through non-client hours on my computer, as most of us do. As a result, my neck and shoulders were stiff, and my energy was down.

Two weeks ago, I started The Fifty Minute Experiment. Here's how it works for me, and I invite you to tweak it any way you want to: at ten minutes before the top of the hour, I get up and get a half-glass of water, stretch and on alternate days work either my abs or arms. On arm days, I use free weights and do sets of 10 bicep curls, etc. in addition to some stretching. On ab days, I do Pilates or situps or boxing moves to work the oblique muscles. Once 3 sets of those exercises are complete, I might use the next session to take a walk around the pond across the street, which takes nine minutes. If you work at home, you might use that ten minutes to vacuum a room or tidy up in some way that is physical. If you are in an office, you could take a short walk, or find an empty conference room to stretch and/or exercise.

I believe we must become creative in the way we structure our days, time and activity because so much of what we do is now done sitting in front of a computer. We were not designed to sit all day. I have been amazed at how this one small change has energized me and made the working day so much more fun. Not only that, but I have access more often to clearer thinking and fresh ideas, which benefits me and my clients. Give it a try and let me know how it works for you.

The Art of Acknowledgment

2010-04-12T16:19:00.000-07:00

In the last post, the subject was updating our self image as we grow and become more knowledgeable, capable, expansive in our abilities and awareness. For emerging leaders, this is an essential skill to develop in yourself and those you lead. To help make a habit of acknowledging yourself and others, begin to look for accomplishments to celebrate daily. They don't have to be monumental to be worthy of acknowledgment. For example, you see a team member going out of her way to be inclusive and mentoring a new hire. Let her know how much you appreciate her taking the initiative on this and point out that she is exhibiting a leadership skill that is valuable.

Then, mentally acknowledge yourself for noticing. The most effective leaders inspire us to be the best we can. By modeling strong leadership to your team leaders and giving them positive feedback at every opportunity, you begin to create an environment where people thrive, where they look for what their peers are doing well and they are confident enough in their own place, they can be generous with praise. This creates a ripple effect that creates a strengths-focused culture, which is self perpetuating.

When we are encouraged and acknowledged for our efforts, we are willing to take bigger risks and be more creative. That is the zone where our best work is done.

Is it Time to Update Your Self Image?

2010-03-30T16:51:00.000-07:00

Quarterly Review

As an executive/business coach, I participate in a peer-coaching program that runs quarter to quarter, and as we approach the end of first quarter, 2010, I had the opportunity to review with my coach the progress we’ve made this past quarter. I was surprised at how much clarity was gained, how many step-by-step plans were laid out and how many actions were taken toward completing those plans in such a short period.

As we celebrated the realized goals and progress toward other objectives, it occurred to me that this was a powerful exercise in keeping my self image up to date. You see, I don’t always have a quarterly review with my coach because we often keep renewing our agreement quarter to quarter. This time, my coach was taking a break to complete a radio project and I’ll be starting with a new coach, so we set aside an hour to review and celebrate our accomplishments.

Pause for Reflection

Most of us are constantly on the move, crossing off the next line item on our perpetual to-do lists. It can be (and was) so valuable to pause and look at how much we have learned and grown over a three-month period. I invite you to take a look at your accomplishments over the quarter, looking for evidence of:

Clarity gained – where are you clearer on what your objectives are and what you stand for? There are likely areas that have become much more in focus for you than before. Take a moment to acknowledge those.
Acceptance – what or who might you have made peace with over the last few months. Is there an aspect of someone or something that used to torture you that you have come to appreciate and accept?
Roadmap – What plans have you laid out for yourself that will facilitate something important to your life, your work or relationships? Creating a step-by-step plan takes time but pays off exponentially in supporting your long-term goals.
Action Taken – What steps have you completed toward some of your closely held intentions? Be sure to acknowledge all the progress you make, not just the arrival, or the end result. It takes courage and discipline to keep moving steadily toward a goal. You deserve some kudos for that.
Learning – We learn every day. Imagine how much you have expanded your skills and awareness in the last three months. What classes have you taken or software have you learned more about? What subjects are you more informed about now?

In short, you have expanded and grown as a person this quarter. You are not the same person you were when the year began—you are more polished, aware and prepared that you were before. Allow that to sink into the image you hold of yourself, and remember to pause for this kind of acknowledgement at least quarterly. We’ll talk next time about how to course correct and mine the learning, but for now bask in appreciation for what you have become and accomplished.

True Currency and How We Control It

2010-03-25T12:43:00.000-07:00

Working with clients and with my own stewardship of resources over the last economically challenging year, I've seen so much attention being focused on money issues and frustration that I wanted to share an "aha!" awareness that came forward for me recently.

Thought is the real currency of life. Directed, deliberate thought is the stuff from which everything flows. We act as if it all comes from the dollars in our bank accounts, and later down the creation pipeline, it does show up there. But that isn't where it began. All abundance we consider to be good, whether money, love, health, friends--all of it began with thought. Stay with me, I know this will be as good a reminder to some of you as it was to me.

There are days when we feel great: smart, capable and believing that life is good. From that place, we agree to do something that is a bit of a stretch for us. As the day to deliver on that promise comes closer, let's say we are in a bit of a funk emotionally and we cannot imagine what persuaded us to make such a commitment. We literally don't have access to the perspective that gave birth to that idea. What?

I'll say it again: in every moment, we have a certain perspective on life, ourselves, our world. When we feel good and are thinking uplifting thoughts, like "life is good," and "I am capable and intelligent," we have access to a point of view that vanishes when we are plugged into less positive thoughts like, "Life sucks!" or "I'm a loser."

Every time we consciously direct our thoughts to looking for the best in ourselves, others and the world, we are in a creative mode, generating positive energy that eventually becomes and idea we act on and somewhere down the line generates the cash that lands in our bank account. But it all began with a single, deliberate thought.

Your Magnum Opus

2009-10-19T17:05:00.000-07:00

We hear about the great works of brilliant people like famous composers or artists or writers and how a certain one of their works stands out as their best. The dictionary defines Magnum Opus as the single greatest work of an artist's life--her masterpiece.

I propose that we shift that idea just a bit to see that we are the greatest masterpiece of our lives. We are constantly growing, perfecting and refining ourselves to be better than we were yesterday, and last month, last year. We are constantly evolving into our greater selves. We are the Magnum Opus of our lives, and the works we produce are merely vehicles to allow us to work on ourselves, express our creativity and brilliance. We do it moment by moment, day by day, choice by choice.

Knowing this frees us to be involved in our unfolding in a more patient and loving way. We are in it for the long haul, constantly improving. We are masterpieces in the making, and knowing that allows us to experiment and take risks with the work we do, because each project is another opportunity to express a part of ourselves never before expressed. We are a work in progress, and looking at our lives in wide swaths of time, we see the magnificence of our own unfolding selves, and each other.

Today, look anew at the people in your life. See them as master craftsmen, shaping themselves in very specific ways to be the best they can be.

Learn to Discern

2009-09-21T14:22:00.000-07:00

You know that feeling you get after overindulging, kind of like after Thanksgiving dinner? My brain starts to feel bloated in that same way. Sometimes we overload our thought system with too much data, and it makes us feel sluggish. Information is so readily available at our fingertips now, that we must develop a new skill: discernment. Here are 3 questions to ask to help keep your focus on what's most important:

What are my top 3 priorities this week? Today?
How much time is required (ball park) to give them my best?
How can my professional reading time be best used today, and how much time, exactly, am I giving to that?

Once those priorities are identified, be true to them. Decide in advance how much time you will devote to answering emails or on returning calls. Idle curiosity can lead us to a news site that becomes like a rabbit hole that we don't emerge from for two hours. That leaves no time for our best creative expression or the realization of our dearest goals. No one else is going to stand over us and encourage our most inspiring contribution. That is up to each of us. Discernment is a skill worth cultivating.

Authenticity

2009-09-08T14:05:00.000-07:00

Ever notice how easily we compare ourselves to others and feel like we come up short? I noticed over the weekend how many fashion mags show perfect young women with no laugh lines or visible flaws. Then saw how many wrote in to a magazine that published a photo of a model comfortably baring it all even though she had a bit of a tummy pooch. Readers wrote in that finally, they were seeing a woman who looked like them. Can't we all relate to that?

I caught myself this morning feeling a bit critical of my own work process, until I stopped and realized that it is my natural process which works well for me and so what if it doesn't follow a 9-to-5, Monday through Friday format? As a writer, I gather for a period of time and then when it feels just right, I synthesize what I've gathered, re-package the information into an article, book, workshop and distribute. It isn't always linear. I enjoy the organic nature of my work. I love having clients come for coaching at just the right moment in their lives to make the greatest impact. My process may not look pretty on a chart, but it feels just right and feeds my authentic self and my soul. Who can ask for more than that? What a relief it is to say, "My way is a little different than most, and it works for me."

Listen--Can You Hear It?

2009-08-19T12:40:00.000-07:00

How often does the quiet, confident voice of intuition speak, and we aren't listening? Often. The world can be noisy and we fill it with busyness. When we do have drive time or time to simply be, we often fill it with music or television. Nothing wrong with that. However, I challenge us all to an experiment. Today, or tomorrow morning, present a question you would like clarity on, and ask your intuition to provide the answer. Then give it some room to be heard. Take ten minutes of your commute to be quiet and listen. I wonder what answers we will hear when we simply get still and hear that steady, calm voice.

I'll get back to you on that. On the way to my next appointment, I plan to listen.

To Get Better Solutions, Ask Better Questions

2009-08-06T13:02:00.000-07:00

The ideas and solutions we generate depend largely on the inner dialogue that we have with ourselves and more specifically, the questions we ask and answer.

Most of us have an inner conversation rolling along all day every day in those moments when we aren’t engaging with others. The quality and nature of the questions we ask determines the ideas and solutions we are able to see.

Here is an example: David, a product design engineer, has been working on a widget for three months and learns this morning that there is a major defect resulting from faulty test equipment. If the question he asks is, “What are they going to think of me in tomorrow’s design review?” he will head down a thought path quite different than if he asked a more positive question like, “What’s the fastest and best way to get accurate test results now?” or “Who might have the equipment required to re-test?”

When we learn to ask better questions—the ones pointed toward solutions and possibilities, we get better results faster. Here are a few examples of open-ended questions that lead to positive exploration:

How can this situation be a win for everyone involved?
What possibilities might exist that I haven’t thought of yet?
What possibilities might exist that I haven’t thought of yet?
If we looked at this from the perspective that the challenge was resolved successfully, and went step-by-step backwards, what would have happened right before it was resolved, and before that, etc.?

By asking these kinds of questions, we give ourselves access to fresh perspectives and often create breakthrough ideas.

To-Do Lists and Not-To-Do Lists

2009-07-27T12:29:00.000-07:00

Each of us is many faceted, managing career, relationships and life. Our daily lists of tasks have grown so long, many of us have transferred them to the computer. At the risk of being called a heretic, I'm suggesting we do two things to take back the true feeling of accomplishment and be more effective in the things that really matter:

Limit projects on To-Do lists to the top five, and preferably keep it on paper. Why? Because psychologically, five is a manageable number and 67 isn't. If you are working on the top 5 priorities for the day, and you get each one complete, you can always add five more, but you'll get a bigger dose of the achievement high we all crave by focusing in on the most important items and making headway on those. If we keep it on a calendar page or index card, there is a satisfaction in crossing it off that is missing with a computer, plus it simply is too easy to keep adding to an electronic list until it becomes distorted beyond reality and we stop taking it seriously. There are so many items on that list that we simply begin to ignore them--we are overloaded.
Make a list of things not to do--those distractions that often take you off course and eat up precious chunks of time. E-mails, calls, drop bys, Pottery Barn catalogs. We get to decide which ones move us toward our goals and which ones slow us down.

By taking five minutes at the beginning of the day to decide what 5 things are top priority and what you will postpone, for now, your achievement and effectiveness will rapidly improve. We sometimes put ourselves under enormous pressure to stay up with all this information coming our way every day. No one can. There is simply too much. By necessity, we must become specialists who focus on those things we excel in and give our attention there. Prioritizing is a skill worth cultivating as our pace becomes crazier. We must be on target with knowing what is important to us and maintaining our focus in the face of distractions.

Keeping Up With Who You Have Become

2009-06-15T13:03:00.000-07:00

In every facet of our lives, we are evolving to a wiser, more skilled and knowledgeable self. Yet, most of us forget to upgrade that whiny 7-year-old insecure voice that resides in our thoughts to the capable, intelligent being we have become. Here's an example: one facet of me is an artist--and that part of me has been around for most of my life. Sometimes I paint and draw more regularly than other times, but every drawing, every design makes me a better artist. Yet, when I took a dozen or so pieces of artwork out from under the bed recently to put on an artists' site to sell, that insecure 7-year-old popped right up with "you think you're a real artist? how long has it been since you've painted? What makes you think you are still an artist? Who'd want to buy prints that are six years old? Why are you spending time on this?"

I see this happen often with my coaching clients. They are justifiably promoted, yet fearful that everyone will learn they are a fraud. Have they met the requirements to get the promotion? Certainly. Do they have the skills necessary to perform the work? Absolutely. The only problem is that they have not stopped along the way to acknowledge to themselves the person they have become after each accomplishment or challenge. Therefore, they feel like a fraud, because their self image does not match who they have become.

How to remedy this dual self? Easy. Take a few minutes each week to journal about what you have learned, accomplished and how you have grown. Week by week, you will keep up with the wise and capable person you are becoming.

Getting Things Done: What I Learned from David Allen

2009-03-11T17:07:00.000-07:00

In a recent telephone interview David Allen, author of Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress- Free Productivity, shared his insights. Here are eight tips I came away with:

Only do one thing at a time and give it your full commitment and attention. Multi-tasking is a myth--we can only do well and give our attention to one thing at a time. That's why laws were passed to keep our attention on driving rather than operating a cell phone and navigating a car.
Know that the one thing you are doing is the thing you most need and want to do now.
Make time to step back and see the broader view from a reflective perspective. Allow time for creativity to flow. Think creatively. If you are always in response mode and don't have creative think time, new ideas have no place of entry and you stagnate.
Take the best of other people's ideas mixed with your own trial and error to develop your own system for managing projects and getting things done. Tweak until it works consistently, then let the system support you so that you trust your system and use it well. It becomes automatic. This may take two weeks to two years, depending on your level of commitment and use.
Ask, "What's not on cruise control?What's not clear?" Then get everything you can on cruise control (automatic) so that you clear the decks for renewal, relaxation and creativity. An easy way is to notice what has your attention.
Create a way for rapid refocus after interruptions. For example, jot a keyword down to remind you where you left off before answering the telephone.
Learn to understand when things are complete. For instance, he gave up a two-year hobby of growing bonsai when it became clear that the cost (in terms of distraction, time) became greater than the benefit. Learn to let go of what is no longer beneficial.
Don't get hooked into The Busy Trap: feeling the need to appear busy rather than working on what really matters (like wading through email instead of thinking through a possible solution while staring out the window). Don't worry about how things look. When you are handling what really matters, keeping your agreements, and consistently producing results people don't really care how you do it, except to share your secrets of success with them.

Hopefully, something in this list will help you get more of the important things done in your work and life. And when petting your cat, really be there and enjoy that moment.

What To Do When Stuck in Overwhelm

2009-02-17T12:01:00.000-08:00

From time to time, people reach out for help when responsibilities in a given area have piled up to the point that they feel like they are drowning in them. My own personal demon in this area is paper clutter in my office. The tool that works best is the Start Small tool.

Here is how it works: Let's say your office is a disaster with stacks of files and papers and notes on every surface. Maybe there are a few books underneath, making those stacks even more precarious. In this situation, many of us might feel overwhelmed, agitated, embarrassed and disgusted that we allowed the office to get in this state. Here are the steps to get unstuck and create immediate relief:

Stop. Breathe. Focus on the solution, and let go of the blame.
Decide how much time you can reasonably devote to cleanup right now. You'll be surprised at how much can be accomplished in a mere ten minutes, when that is all you are doing. Put your phone on voice mail. Close your office door, if you have one.
Choose one area to work on, like your desk surface, for example. Focus there specifically for the allotted time. If your desk is piled so high that ten minutes (or whatever amount you are devoting) doesn't make much difference, choose a 2-foot area of your desk to break it down into a manageable section.
You'll be tempted to keep going, but unless you can afford to shift priorities for a longer period, simply schedule another session for the afternoon, or the next available slot in your calendar. Keep this commitment as sacred. One small section at a time, you will make visible progress. Keep at it. The relief will be palpable and free your mind for other pursuits.
Once you have the mess cleared away (or the hairy project complete), schedule regular maintenance time to keep it organized. Some find 15 minutes at the end of a day works. Others like to schedule an hour once a week. Find your best method and then make it a habit, putting it in your calendar until it becomes a routine part of your day that you don't have to think about.

We all get stuck from time to time, and that's no big deal, as long as we find a way to get unstuck. By starting small, we get moving again and that makes further motion forward much easier.

Thriving in Any Economic Climate

2009-01-29T15:14:00.000-08:00

After an eight-day vacation on the beach in Mexico, where I was blissfully unaware of the economic movements of our world, I came face to face with the Situation Room on CNN while working out at the local gym. Within moments, my freeflowing optimism and happy outlook began to be replaced by a feeling of foreboding; that is, until I noticed the knot in my gut and recognized that watching all those dire predictions that I have no personal control over wasn't doing anything good for me. I turned my attention elsewhere, and began to plan my day instead.

We are each responsible for maintaining our optimism no matter how loud the cries of desperation on our news stations, or how dire the headlines we glimpse. If we focus on those things we have the power to influence personally, like our own bodies, feeding our minds with uplifting material, creating the value we want to contribute in our professional lives and nurturing the relationships that are meaningful to us...well, there simply isn't time left over for hand wringing, and that's a good thing. We must remember that those news stories are designed to get attention and sell products. They are an extremely disproportionate representation of the good and not so great events that happen in a given day.

In fact, if equal time were given to the good things that are happening around our planet, that would take up about 23 hours and 50 minutes of a typical news day (best guess). Really. If unemployment is at 6%, and they were giving a balanced view, they'd have to say that 94% of those who want to be employed are working today. That sounds different, doesn't it? Same information, different spin.

I saw recently where some of the most innovative and successful products of our time were launched in periods of economic recession (Entrepreneur, February 2009). Some of them were Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup in 1934, GE fluorescent light bulb in 1938, McDonald's Hamburgers in 1955, and Diet Coke in 1982. You can bet the creators of these products were too busy acting upon their vision to spend any time fretting over the recession. In every economic climate, there are those who thrive and those who panic. We have a choice about how we will respond to what's happening. We can give our undivided attention to the conversation, person or task at hand, or we can give over to worry and fear. I'm finding it much more exciting and satisfying to focus on those things I have the power to change. I hope you are, too.

Profound Self Acceptance

2008-09-11T09:57:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we all get so caught up in pursuing our goals that we forget why we are in business in the first place. We forget that the heart of any meaningful contribution is about relationships, about adding and uplifting the client or customer's experience in some way. And in order to be strong in building and honoring relationships, we must begin with the one we have with ourselves.

Ultimately, every relationship we have is a reflection of the one we have with ourselves. If we are feeling lack, then we try to compensate through others. Here is an example: a senior manager we'll call Lola told me this week that she finds it physically and emotionally painful to receive recognition because it always feels undeserved and makes her want to hide. Yet this manager railroads nearly every conversation to point out all that she is accomplishing so that she will be recognized. She takes on too many projects in an attempt to prove her value and ends up not delivering her best on any of them. Sound familiar?

There are steps we can take to begin practicing self acceptance. Here are five:

Recognize our innate value as a contributor to this life, simply by being here. We add to every interaction our energy and spirit.
Learn to look at strengths and express those more. Find ways to leverage the things you are naturally good at and enjoy.
Be as kind to ourselves as we would be to a young protege about places where we are growing and not yet up to speed.
Give ourselves credit for recognizing places to improve without using that to bludgeon ourselves.
Stop telling the story of lack. For instance, instead of saying, "I'm a procrastinator," say "I have my own sense of timing, and when the energy is lined up, I take action."

Most of us were taught to love unconditionally, but few of us practice loving ourselves that way. And even fewer of us translate that into a best practice for business success. It works. Try it.

Leveraging Energy Through Goals

2008-08-19T14:05:00.000-07:00

Anyone watching this summer's Olympic games can see the power of reaching big goals. We are practically unlimited in our ability to create and accomplish. One thing I've noticed in working with clients and in my own experience is that sometimes we use goals to keep ourselves on track, and sometimes we use them to beat up on ourselves.

Take a look at the following two lists and see if you are primarily focused on the positive aspects of goal setting:

Positive Use of Goals

Help us remember the course we have chosen
Remind us what we will have achieved when the goal is complete
Energize us with the mental picture of our realized objective
Assist us in keeping track of baby steps along the way
Show us how far we have come

Negative Use of Goals

Make us feel bad for not measuring up
Create self talk that is critical in nature "You are such a loser!"
Drain our energy
Reinforce our low self esteem
Create feelings of disempowerment (i.e. I am not able to complete things)

Remember that goal setting is a tool to support you in living the life you want to live. What other people are doing and what they think about what you are doing is irrelevant. If you have a goal on your list that has been there for awhile, ask yourself if it is something that is important to you or a "should" that you really don't intend to follow up on. Remove those goals that have no or little meaning for you and only put down those that you have enthusiasm for.

Question: Is an athlete that landed in fourth place by 100th of a second any less accomplished than if they'd won a medal?

The Warrior Leader

2008-07-10T14:49:00.000-07:00

I was asked by a colleague to compare the skills of a warrior to that of an effective leader. This is what we observed:

(Male pronoun used for ease, but holds true for both genders)

He carries the vision for peace and prosperity in his heart and shares it with his people
He holds the courage to face anything, and the wisdom to avoid the need for war
He honors the Great Spirit, connecting with It often, listening for wisdom
He spends time in nature, reflecting on the big picture and the web of life that touches us all
He fosters community among his people, building bonds, knowing them well, seeing and helping them grow their gifts
He recognizes the power of diversity and encourages the sharing of ideas and growing leadership in others
He is cunning about the dance with ego and doesn't let it pull him away from center; he doesn't take things personally
He has a huge capacity for joy and compassion
His weapons (tools) are in the finest condition and he uses them with great skill whether he needs them daily or not
His focus and concentration are strong when he works, and when he is at rest, he rests fully
He takes care of his body, knowing that it is his most important tool
He honors the rituals that give him strength, power, humility and love
He does the best he can each day and doesn't worry about yesterday or tomorrow
He honors all creatures as his brothers/sisters and the Earth as Mother to us all

How many of these are you claiming and living for yourself?

Success From a Contrarian's Perspective

2008-06-06T12:39:00.000-07:00

I wonder how many of us have conflicting maps to the success of our goals. In conversations with clients, the "should" goals often tumble out first, then when we get into the groove of exploring intuition and where the subtle pulls on our attention are coming from, it often becomes apparent that the real desires have been sort of masked by all the hoopla in our world about what we are supposed to want.

I noticed that cropping up for myself this week, as I was working with my own coach. (yes, I believe in the value of coaching enough to hire one for myself) Some weeks ago, he began challenging me to "put a stake in the ground" about what I wanted for myself and my business. I dragged my feet somewhat, feeling much too busy in the doing of life and business to contemplate such a big question. I was all about the items on my to-do list and getting them checked off.

We finally agreed we'd have that conversation this week, and in order to keep the agreement, I blocked out some time to think about it. What I realized is that true success must be a custom fit. We want it served up the way we want it, regardless of what the pundits say about how we should get there. The whole journey there can be delightful if we trust ourselves enough to follow our own instincts. When we move toward those things, people, ideas, activities and events that really call us with a sense of enthusiasm, we must be on the right path.

It gets confusing when we are called to go this way, and the so-called experts tell us, "no no NO, the right way to do this is to go THAT way." If we allow conflicting messages to create split energy within ourselves, it is no wonder we aren't getting the results we want and feel overwhelmed in the process.

Listen to the internal cues about what feels best to you. Nothing wrong with hearing other points of view, but no matter how wise they sound, if they don't resonate with you, trust your own instinct and inner guidance. That inner contrarian may be holding aloft your true vision and keeping you on track.

Embrace Your Quirks

2008-05-29T15:49:00.000-07:00

In our professional circles, we often try to put on our most polished and sophisticated faces to present to peers and colleagues and possible new clients. I've been reminded recently that what most of us want in the relationships we hold dear is authenticity. We connect more deeply with people who make us laugh and are easy to be with. We love their quirks. It gives us ample opportunity to tease and play with them in a good-natured way.

Why not loosen up in our professional circles and let them see the real us? Are we afraid they would think less of us if they knew we love to tango? Let's embrace our quirks--they are part of our charm. Maybe you juggle for fun, or you have the habit of alphabetizing letters in words. These are the very qualities that make you unique and special. By embracing the parts of ourselves that are fun, weird and quirky, we send a message to our own subconscious that says, "I like this person."

I'd much prefer to have coffee with a colleague or client who is relaxed enough to be real. When I find myself in the company of those stiff, all-business types who won't talk about any other aspect of life, it seems extremely limiting and one dimensional. Let's give ourselves and each other the freedom to be whole, multi-dimensional beings who enjoy life on many levels.

Surrender to Simplify

2008-05-09T15:52:00.000-07:00

The segment intending process was a good first step. It got me through a crucial step that needed to be completed on a project I'm working on. Looking at it a week later, I've come to the awareness that part of the challenge is I simply have too many distractions vying for my attention. I'm ready to wave the white flag of surrender and admit that I can't do it all. At least, not all at once. In an attempt to simplify, I've unsubscribed to a handful of mailing lists and put aside a shopping bag full of books that were taking up mental and physical space. If we whittle down those things that are really soul-expanding and delicious, what might life be like then?

Adding to my best practice list: Keep it simple, more is not necessarily better. Before taking on one more book, client, project, ask: is this how I want to spend my time now?

Best Practices

2008-05-02T08:17:00.000-07:00

I've decided to follow my own advice and set up best practices in each area of my life to act as guidelines, so that I'm not recreating the wheel every time an old issue resurfaces. The area that seems to be most challenging for me lately is handling all my commitments with ease. I'd like to be managing my time better. One tool that has worked for me in the past was segment intending.

Segment intending works like this: In this next hour, I'm going to focus my best thinking and give my full attention to (fill in the blank). Then I'll take the next highest item on my list of priorities for the day and devote a block of time to it. No multitasking...that simply waters down my effectiveness and delays my accomplishing anything fully.

I'm aiming to mine my memory over the next few days to come up with a list of five of the best practices I've used to manage my time and be effective. Keep it simple, if I practice those five, I'll be way ahead of the game.

30 Day Challenge: Expand Your Possibilities

2008-02-21T09:55:00.000-08:00

Today marks the beginning of my 30-Day challenge to expand your idea of what's possible. Here's how it goes: for the next month, notice your thoughts around what you'd like to have in your life and what you believe is possible. For example, you want a lifestyle that allows you more free time and you want to work a maximum of 25 hours a week with no reduction in income. Where before you might have jumped to "how can I do that" then "I don't know how I can do that so it must not be possible for me" this time, you are going to work with your thoughts and nudge them toward leaving the possibility out there, as in "I can't see the how right now, but I acknowledge that there might be a possibility that will emerge." That's all I'm asking. Just to allow for the possibility, then report back on what happens.

I'm about to go on vacation, so I'll touch base when upon return and let you know what showed up the first week of really practicing this thought. Blessings - Teri

Relationships Make It All Happen

2008-02-13T20:55:00.000-08:00

I was working with a client today, a young woman entering the early stages of entrepreneurism and wanting so much to create a successful launch all at once. I walked with her in the conversation to the point where she realized that every part of her success hinges upon her ability to build solid relationships with people. The impact this realization made on her was palpable on the call. Suddenly, she saw her business in the larger context of her life, and service to others and the dots came together to form a picture that really touched her.

We talked about how everything we experience—certainly all our business success—happens through the relationships we have with others. Therefore, relationship building must be a part of every business person's skill set. And in a broader context, she saw this as an opportunity to live her spiritual values: to offer love to her fellow men and women, to show up authentically and be interested in them and what is going on in their world. I think she's well on her way to great success, and it was an excellent reminder to me.

Leading Change

2008-01-22T17:05:00.000-08:00

After participating in Bill Welter's webinar today, (he is the author of The Prepared Mind of a Leader: Eight Skills Leaders Use to Innovate, Make Decisions and Solve Problems) I was pondering the whole concept of responding to change in our businesses and our personal lives. In light of the number of changes unfolding on multiple fronts daily, the question arises, "What's relevant to me?"

I believe we must become even better at knowing our values and priorities in order to allow in those ideas and possibilities that are most relevant and screen out the ones that have low relevancy. How do we accomplish this? It will likely look different for each of us, but on some level we must integrate our values and vision for the future into our everyday mind.

For those of us who journal, we can note what is holding our attention. What are the topics you return to repeatedly? If you have regular reading either online or in the newspaper or trade journals, what sections do you turn to religiously? What personal interest stories grab you? And how do these interests relate to your top values?

Perhaps we begin by simply asking a few key questions:

How and why is this change relevant to me?
How might it represent opportunity?
What can I do to understand the meaning behind the change and how it relates to my business?
What responses are called for, if any?

Bill used the example of Folgers Coffee leading the market for several decades, and not paying attention to the upstart Starbucks when it was making ripples in Seattle. If Folgers had responded early in the game, the outcome might have been very different in coffee land. What is happening in your business sector now that might represent a huge opportunity?

And the larger question may be, are we taking time to think about what's happening and reflect on what that might mean? Or are we so much in reacting mode that this kind of strategic thought doesn't happen?